Don't Panic! World Shocked by Killer Veggies

Barely had the nannies of state pressed upon us the message that veggies exist for our own good, turns out killer cucumbers and bell peppers are out in force preying upon our lives! Wham! your entire risk free life under the cheese dome kaputt. So evil exists after all! If it isn't Greeks asking gifts, it's the neurotic Teutons and Spanish poo critters EHEC making us miserable. The Dutch self regulator at once adopted a policor posture: "Promoting the cucumber is not appropriate at this time". On the contrary, one would say!

Now's as good a time as any, what with "The export of Dutch cucumbers to Germany having collapsed" due to Germans shunning the noble vegetable. Given that the killer veggies have been spotted as far afield as Erie in the US, could it be we're in the throngs of global mass hysteria? Dinner tonight: balkan balls on a bed of cucumber, tomato and bell pepper ... yammy! Veggies, for your own good!